Category: Reflections on Parenting

Reflections on Parenting: Always God’s Children

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The other day, my husband and I were admiring an image of our sleeping baby on a screen. It was the picture of pure innocence and unadulterated hope. We congratulated ourselves on combining our genetic material so well and creating such an adorable baby (we’re a little biased), then said goodnight and my husband quickly fell asleep, as he is wont to do. Meanwhile I grasped that late-night me-time on my phone (I admit that it’s probably less-than-healthy and I should probably work to let go of, but that’s another blog post).

A little while later, I looked over at my sleeping husband: worn, tired, but still with an innocence about him that brought to mind our son, as he slept peacefully. It was like there was a part of him that never changed. I was moved to tears realising that he still bears a sliver of the innocence of his youth, the same innocence that he carried into the world, though decades have added stress and burdens and years of toil. My heart broke for him, for the struggles and sorrows he has had to endure over the years, yet knowing that all these experiences shaped him into the man I love, the man who stands over our family today.

I was brought to the thought that God sees us as His children, always. We never lose that quality. As a parent, He loves us. If you’re familiar with Aquinas, he beautifully defines love as willing the good of the other, so we know He wants the absolute best for us. And the path to what is best may not be easy. We may face obstacles and run into setbacks; we may have to bear burdens and stress, and there may be a demand for toil.

Even in the hardest of times, we know God is in control, and that He is unchanging and eternal, and His demands are borne of love, for God is Love, and there is nothing in Him that is contrary to Love. Sometimes love can be hard, difficult to endure, it may cause us pain or suffering, and we may not understand the reasoning behind love’s demands in the moment (we may not even understand the reasoning with hindsight), but that does not make love any less good.

Our response to this Fatherly love depends on the disposition of our hearts. An analogy I heard a while ago to help understand this is that of different materials subjected to the same force, for example, wax and clay under intense heat – one would soften or melt while the other would dry up and harden. If our hearts are disposed to follow our loving Father who sometimes asks hard things of us, we would do our best to obey Him. If, however, we are more focused on our Earthly desires, we can be tempted to feed those temporal desires instead, at the cost of straying from God, and it may be more difficult to follow His will for us.

So, when God asks you to do hard things, turn your heart towards Him. Instead of adopting a “why me?” attitude, let’s take up a “help me” attitude. It is important to always keep in mind that God is our loving Father. Know that He knows you and loves you, and He has a plan for you! Stick with Him and trust that in these experiences, “…we are the clay, and [He is] our potter; we are all the work of [His] hand” (Isaiah 64:8), and that through them, we are being moulded – He is helping us change and grow. Look for how these experiences can make you more like Him. Our loving Father has got you! He’ll bring you through it. Remember, “all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Are there times you find it more difficult to trust in God? How do you get by when the going gets tough? What do you think or do to help you grow in trust of our heavenly Father? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on parenting: Impermanence

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I look back at photos of my baby through the different stages of development and there is definitely bittersweet in there. It feels like only yesterday we were in the hospital, but there have been so many different faces of my child since then. Each iteration of this child has brought its own joys and concerns, and then before I knew it, gone was that child, and in its place was a new child in a slightly bigger body, with new joys and new concerns. I look back and wonder how each iteration came and left so fleetingly, without so much as a greeting or goodbye.

My husband chided me jokingly the other day for my new kitchen rosary. It’s a repurposed abacus that allows me to move the beads to mark each decade and remember where I am so I can stop and start my rosary at any given point throughout the day (as an aside, it is a very handy way for moms to fit in a rosary around their busy day!). He asked why I had to get such a colourful one, saying it attracted our toddler’s attention. My husband said, “[baby] thinks it’s theirs now… it’s on loan”. I replied, “everything we have in this life is on loan,” then turning to my child, I half-jokingly said, “practice detachment. Nothing in this world is really yours.”

This brings me to the topic of the day: impermanence. That famous saying, “this too shall pass” rings true for all Earthly matters. As much as we would love to apply immortality to things of the Earth, the reality is that it will all come to an end. Everything around us has a shelf-life. Some may have longer shelf lives than others (they don’t make ’em like they used to), but everything passes, everything fades. Even our relationships don’t last forever. Our most loving and loyal bonds could end at any moment, completely unforeseen, because of the mortal nature of our bodies. Our parents die. Our spouses die. Children (tragically) die. We all die.

Our souls, though, our souls are eternal. That, in my humble opinion, is why we seek “forever”, why we want to connect to something immortal, infinite, eternal. But the only eternity there really is, is in the Lord. To connect with that eternal nature, we must follow Him, and to do so, we obey his commandments.


We know that the greatest commandment is to love God with our heart, mind, soul, and strength (Deut 6:5, Matt 22:37-38, Mark 12:33). What does this look like? Jesus says “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.” Using the tool of hyperbole, Christ says we cannot learn from Him if we don’t love Him so much more than anyone or anything else that, in comparison, it looks like our love for them is hatred.

So the right order of things is to put God first and foremost. Before your parents. Before your spouse. Before your children. Before your siblings. Before your own life. Because He alone will never fail you and He alone will never leave you. And in His wisdom, the more you love Him, the better you will love those around you.

He shows us how to give grace, how to forgive – how to truly love. And He also shows us how we actually can be with others for eternity: united in Him.

Here’s a little prayer I wrote to sum it all up:

Thank you Lord for teaching me about the temporal nature of this life through my growing child. I accept Your sovereignty over all things. All that You have given to me is not mine to keep; the people, the things, the time… all belongs to You. Let me give it all back to You, and hold only to You, with steadfast hope and love.
Amen.

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: World Breastfeeding Week

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Another week with an extra blog post, what is happening? But I did want to post some musings to mark the occasion of world breastfeeding week.

Specifically, I want to address breastfeeding in church. Controversial. But necessary. My child is growing out of having to nurse regularly, but we definitely spent many a Sunday working nursing around church… and maybe we shouldn’t have. So this post is me processing to try to get more comfortable with the act of breastfeeding in church. Although my parish has been lovely with offering a space (we don’t have cry rooms) to use for breastfeeding, I think a lot of my discomfort comes from societal sexualisation of breasts, and I know that it is unhealthy and in fact, disordered.

In light of this, perhaps it would be pertinent to begin with discussing the natural order. Breastfeeding is natural. God gave women the ability to feed their babies whenever and wherever the need arises. The natural function of breasts is lactation. It is actually what is expected to happen.

It is normal. Although there were some years during the 20th Century when formula was touted, it has historically been the norm to breastfeed. Nowadays, research shows that the old ways were beneficial in ways we didn’t really understand, and mothers are highly encouraged to breastfeed. The vast majority of humans have nursed at the breast, whether their own mother’s, or with a relative or wet nurse.

Looking at it through a spiritual lens, I think there is something that God reveals to us through this wonderful design. Breastfeeding is both nourishing and nurturing. It provides necessary nutrients to keep infants alive but also is a source of comfort and security. God himself does this for us, too. Grafted to Him, we are spiritually nourished, and He soothes our soul and assures our safety. Taking it further (and I wrote about something very similar in my post on the Precious Blood for July), there is this magnificent thought from the Venerable Fulton Sheen:

There is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed of feeding, especially in church. If women are uncomfortable baring a lot of skin to nurse, there are ways around that, whether it involves purpose-built nursing covers or even some good old clothing hacks (stretchy tank top under another shirt, anyone?).

Breastfeeding is beautiful. It is a gift of self from mother to child, and helps to strengthen the unique bond between them. It nourishes and sustains life and perhaps can turn our thoughts to God who nourishes and sustains us. And if it was good enough for Mother Mary to give to baby Jesus, surely He won’t mind if we give to our babies in His house, too.

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: Perfection

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More often than I’d like, I find myself repeating in my evening prayers, “Sorry I missed morning prayer”. And then I think about why I missed morning prayer. And then, I start to justify it with “but we were in a rush to get to Mass, because sometimes, things that throw the baby’s schedule out just happen”. But justifying an apology negates the apology. It’s like saying “I’m Sorry I yelled at you, but you shouldn’t have left your wet towel on the bed” (Iused to internally yell at myself a lot for this). The person who left their wet towel on the bed (me, it was me) hasn’t received a genuine apology because the justification of the apology, on some level, communicates that they deserved it, at least in part.

I can’t and don’t want to negate my apology to God. He doesn’t deserve to be forgotten or relegated to lesser importance. Ever. So what am I really sorry for? I am sorry that I let Him down, that He wasn’t important enough for me to make myself find other ways to give him praise and offer Him my first fruits.

If I were perfect, as God is perfect, and as we are called to be perfect, I would have found a way to fit in my morning prayers – maybe I could have done them in the car on the way to church. Maybe I could have sung some hymns of praise while I fed or dressed the baby. There are plenty of options that I see in hindsight but that I was blind to as the morning went on, all because God wasn’t as high up on my priorities as He should be.

What I’m trying to say is, “I’m sorry I’m not perfect” isn’t always a snarky teenage response to a parent’s request that they change the way something is done. An apology for our own imperfection, even though we are not directly at fault for it, can be something that we hold in complete congruence with the acceptance of those imperfections. And it can be entirely sincere.

The real reason for our regret may be something else (in the scenario I described, it is my non-attempt at trying to find alternative ways to give God my morning and to show my baby that example), but we can also acknowledge our imperfection, which is really where those reasons stem from. I actually think it’s a very healthy thing to do and to show our children, especially in our spiritual lives. It is another reason to need God, another way to grow in humility.

Let’s bear in mind this quote from St John Fisher:

God alone is perfect, but if we follow His will and empty ourselves so that He might fill us up, we will become more like Him, and we will be perfect too, one day. This may also be an honourable and even aspirational model for our children.

Are your imperfections crosses for you to bear? What practical things help you to bear these crosses? I would love to get your tips in the comments!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: Prayers for patience

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As parents, how many times are we taught the virtue of patience? I remember hearing a homily once with the basic message of “be careful what you ask for”, because usually, if you ask for more patience, God, in His wisdom, will give you opportunities to practice patience!

Still, it’s so important for us to grow in patience. With our children, because they need it, and in all other times, because God calls us to it!

Do you pray for help when parenting gets challenging (and when you find yourself getting impatient at other times)? Any favourite prayers? I’d love to read them in the comments!

My personal go-to seems to be “God help me”, usually uttered under my breath right in the moment. There are, however, many more prayers for patience, some simple, some more complex, depending on the situation. Below are some prayers for when you need a little help keeping calm and patience.

For the virtue of patience

Come Holy Spirit, and grant me the virtue of patience.

Lord, may your patience

Lord, may your patience with me be a motivation and a source of growth in my patience with others.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied.

Let me forget myself so that I may enjoy the happiness of others. Let me always hide my little pains and heartaches so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden or embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow or proud or overbearing.

May no one be less good for having come within my influence; no one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble, for having been a fellow traveler with me on our journey towards eternal life.

As I meet with one cross after another, let me whisper a word of love to You. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen

Prayer to Our Lady of Consolation

Blessed Mary, Mother of Consolation, pray with me for the virtue of patience. There are so many times when my lack of patience keeps me from becoming the kind of person God wants me to be.

Guide my thoughts to you and the example we have in your own life. Help me to become patient, as you were patient. Through your guidance, may I become more accepting of others around me. Assist me to welcome difficult times with a patient heart.

May I be patient, Mary, as was your beloved husband, Joseph. His quiet acceptance of the will of Our Loving Father should be an example for me always. His patience was most wonderful in the eyes of God.

Pray for me, dear Mother of God, that I will allow the Father to come into my heart and help me grow in patience. Amen.

From the Basilica and National Shrine of Our Lady of Consolation, Carey, OH

Hope these can be helpful for you! Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: World Productivity Day

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Today is World Productivity Day. You know, so much of this world is measured in productivity: objectives, output, KPIs… We fill our schedules to the brim, sometimes to the point that we have things we just cannot do. How often, when asked how you are, has your response been “busy”? Look, there is nothing inherently wrong with being productive. Achieving goals is a good thing! But we mustn’t fall into the glorification of endless productivity.

Take a note from Jesus Himself, who, despite knowing He would not be on Earth long, still took time away from His ministry:

But now more than ever the word about Jesus spread abroad; many crowds would gather to hear him and to be cured of their diseases. But he would withdraw to deserted places and pray.

Luke 5:15-16

Christ also calls His apostles to rest right before the feeding of the five thousand:

He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.

Mark 6:31

Goodness, “no leisure even to eat”… how often do those words ring true in motherhood?!

From these two instances, we can see that Jesus valued rest and taking care of needs, and also that spending time in prayer was an important part of His own ministry. We must also acknowledge that our Lord didn’t withdraw or call His apostles away to simply laze about, but to have time to pray, and address basic needs, such as eating (though I don’t think they had much time to actually do this!).

As mothers (some of us working mothers), there are many demands on our time. We havemany things to do and our own “crowds” clamouring for our time and energy. It is not uncommon to hear about burn-out as a result of detrimental self-sacrifice. Jesus shows us by His example that we cannot spend all our time in service.

I’m not advocating for frequent, extended periods away from our family, or neglect our responsibilities to binge-watch The Chosen (I don’t think my heart or my tear ducts could take that, anyway!). We need to be disciplined in our practice of self-care lest it turn to a practice of me-first selfishness. Let us remember though, that we are both spiritual and corporal beings, and we have to look after both parts of our humanity – after all, it was given to us by God, and what’s more, we were made in His image and likeness. We should honour God’s work by taking care of it.

Self-care is a buzzword that gets thrown around a lot, but it’s not just feel-good activities (although these are not necessarily excluded). Ok, so it’s not frequently indulging in spa days and manicures or sitting around playing candy smashing games on your phone… so what is it?

As a mom, if you pay attention to milestones, you’ll see they are usually grouped into different domains. In my opinion, we do not really outgrow these domains; they remain a part of us. Self-care should address several of these domains, namely the physical, emotional, cognitive, social, and spiritual. Self-care, when practiced well, can ensure that your life as a whole is in balance. I’ll add some suggestions below just to prompt your thinking, but please keep in mind that you don’t have to do all of them, and you don’t even have to pick up one from each domain. Just doing a little – even just one thing – and knowing that you’re making a little headway in the self-care department. It’s about filling your own cup so that you have some to give to others.

When we talk about the physical domain, we could talk about rest! Moms are notorious for not getting enough rest. How is sleep? If you’re one of those people who has difficulty falling asleep when you have one of those rare moments to yourself, perhaps you could use your quiet time simply to rest – phone down, lay down, eyes closed. Perhaps you need to exercise more (guilty!). Or maybe you need to make sure you’re getting those five serves of vegetables every day – could a multivitamin help? Are you getting enough water? I like to have a water bottle with a straw in the car and take a sip at every red light (I only remember about half the time, but it helps to up my water intake!).

Emotional self-care can look like processing your day through keeping a journal, or maybe consider committing to sharing your joys of the week on the weekly blog posts here! You might choose to engage in a creative outlet – you could create some art, or write a poem, or even just sing along to a song or a hymn that expresses something you felt during the day. Do you have the time and funds to seek therapy? Alternatively, you could see if your workplace offers an Employee Assistance Program, which usually has a number of free counselling sessions. You could engage in a hobby or simply lean into the mom thing and find an opportunity to be fully present and spend quality time with family – they do bring us so much joy!

Cognitive self-care keeps our minds healthy and flexible. An obvious avenue is reading, (hey, what are you doing right now?!); writing, even just in a journal, is also a way to get those brain waves going. If you have the time, you could learn a new skill. Another suggestion is to take in new information through podcasts – perhaps from school drop-off or on the way to the pick-up!

Socially, it’s important to connect with others and maintain those social bonds. This could take the form of a phone call to family or friends, date night with hubby, or family outings with family friends. Anything that gets you interacting with other humans! This could also take the form of volunteer work (you can see if your local St Vincent de Paul Society has any programs to connect with isolated individuals in the community) – heck, maybe even your paying job allows you to do this!

As Catholics, spiritual self-care is probably the most important domain for us to exercise. It is what is written about in the Gospels every time they talk about Jesus going away to pray, from fasting in the desert, throughout His ministry, and to the agony in the garden of Gethsemane. It is, essentially, what we do to nourish our souls and grow in our faith. Perhaps the most important thing we can do in this domain is to receive Christ in the Eucharist. It is, after all, the source and summit of our faith! Other ideas include attending retreats, going to adoration, meditating on our Lord’s life (hello, holy rosary!), learning through Bible study, joining fellowship groups, reading about the lives of Saints… the list goes on!

When you’re a busy (productive?) mom, a nifty trick is to use one self-care act to cover multiple domains; you can feed two birds with one scone! You could listen to a spiritual podcast while you get some exercise in – that hits your physical, cognitive, and spiritual self-care all at once! And the best thing about self-care is that it will give you a renewed sense of vitality and you will be able to better serve those around you!

What are some ways you practice self-care? What are your busy mom cheats to cover more areas of self-care with fewer activities? And probably most pressingly, how do you manage to set aside time for rest?! Let’s share our tips and tricks in the comments!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: Judgment from Parents and In-Laws

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Friends, I won’t lie to you… I spend a fair chunk of time on social media (you may have seen me there)! And I have read some of your stories. There have been enough similar stories that I feel moved to write about it. Those are the stories of disapproval, disdain, and even rejection from family members about how you choose to raise your children, or, for some of you, that you yourselves have decided to come to the Catholic Church from another faith or another denomination (which of course impacts the way you raise your children!). Whether it’s the way you parent, or the things you teach your children, there is cause for friction when they don’t understand why your priorities are the way that they are.

In yesterday’s Mass readings, we heard the beatitudes. This is God’s new law, given to us by Jesus. Unlike the justice of an eye for an eye that was handed down in the Old testament, the new law is a law of humility, of mercy, and love. Through recent events in my own life, I have come to embrace the last beatitude in all its beauty, and I would encourage those of you who are troubled by the unkind words and actions of others (particularly of those close to you) to bear Jesus’ words in mind.

At the very end of the beatitudes, the Lord says, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:10)

When you live according to Christ, your priorities are different, perhaps unexpected, but righteous in God’s sight. This will anger some people, especially if they do not walk the same road that you walk. Christ takes primacy in your life and every part of your life is ordered as such. People who are of the world just don’t understand why God comes first and why He is the ultimate authority in your life, causing you to live life the way that you do. It’s incomprehensible to them. They will rail against it, finding ways to make your life difficult, calling you names, speaking ill of you to others. It’s one thing to stand up for yourself as we are so often told by the world, but to be humble enough to accept it… that’s the call from Christ.

I am joyful that people speak ill of me, because I am assured that ultimately it doesn’t matter what anyone on Earth says or thinks about me. I know that as a child of God, I wear a crown, I am worthy to share in the Kingship of our Lord because of His immense love for me, and nothing anyone thinks of, says about, or does to me can ever take it away. And that freedom from conforming to other people’s expectations or desires, that’s the Lord at work!

I also know that Jesus is near me in my suffering. As King David wrote, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,  and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord rescues them from them all.” (Psalm 34:18-19).

I *love* that this is one of the ways the Lord has chosen to sanctify me, and I rejoice in it! I am humbled by it but take pride in bearing this cross for the glory of God!

When I say I bear the cross for the glory of God, I mean, we can give our suffering to God. Remember that nothing that we give to Him is ever wasted – He will take everything you give Him, whether good or bad, and turn it to something so much better: by uniting your suffering and sorrow with our Lord crucified, we are cooperating with God in the mission of the salvation of souls!  This is not a new concept. In fact, it has always been this way. As it is written in the scriptures, “Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today.” (Genesis 50:20), and also, “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Praise Him for setting us free from fulfilling human expectations – we may fulfil some of them, but we are called to fulfil greater than these!

Praise Him for setting us free from the judgment of man – it is the Lord alone who is the supreme judge, and it is only His ruling over our lives that merits consideration.

Praise Him for setting us free from the effect of their punitive behaviour towards us – we bear the cross of scorn and spite joyfully, because the Lord is close to those who suffer, and we can give our struggles to God, to increase His glory and save more souls.

Praise Him for His kindness and faithfulness. Our Heavenly Father will never abandon us. Know that despite every hardship and trial, you are immensely loved, and highly valued, and you belong to the Lord!

If you are having trouble receiving this means of sanctification, perhaps the Litany of Humility is for you. It is a prayer that I was praying as this was all happening in my life, so I can’t help but feel blessed that God answers our prayers! It’s part of why I am grateful for this experience, even though it is hard. Here is the Litany of Humility (responses in bold):

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled…
From the desire of being honoured…
From the desire of being praised…
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted…
From the desire of being approved…
From the fear of being humiliated…
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes…
From the fear of being calumniated…
From the fear of being forgotten…
From the fear of being ridiculed…
From the fear of being wronged…
From the fear of being suspected…

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I…
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease…
That others may be chosen and I set aside…
That others may be praised and I unnoticed…
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

Maybe you’ve accepted this cross. Wonderful! But what about the human aspect? Should we simply forget these people? One thing we know is that we are commanded to forgive. Every time we pray the Our Father, we are asking God to forgive us as we forgive those who have sinned against us. If we are not willing to forgive, then how can we ask God to forgive us?

But what does forgiveness look like when it comes to unhealthy relationships? While we can use the pain that some people cause us to bring about good, we sometimes need to distance ourselves from people who do not engage in relationships in a healthy way, in order to love ourselves well. We were not created to suffer needlessly – God can use suffering for good, but we shouldn’t be seeking it out like gluttons for punishment.

Setting boundaries or distancing ourselves from certain people doesn’t mean that we simply leave them by the wayside. We have a duty to continue to love these people with the love of God, although this is something we can definitely do at a distance. We do this by praying for them. Let us fervently hope that we will be reconciled to each other and to God on the last day. Until then, we bear the burden and we wish them well.

How have you dealt with past hurts? What would you do differently if it happened today? What are some ways you can increase in humility? What helps you to pray for those who have wronged you? Let me know your thoughts!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: Father’s Day

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With Father’s Day approaching, I wanted to take some time to reflect on fatherhood. Although I am not a father myself, I have a father, and I am watching my husband grow as a father, and of course, we all have the loving example of our Heavenly Father.

What makes a father? I know I am one of the lucky ones who grew up with a loving father who was present and who cared for his family. Sadly, the reality is that not everyone has been blessed with that story. Yet even people who had biological fathers who let them down still had people in their lives who filled the role to some extent. So, I would say that a father figure, whether biological father or not, is the best example of what a father on Earth looks like. 

Father figures are steadfast men who show little boys what they should aspire to be and little girls how they should be treated. Father figures show us some facet or facets of Divine Fatherhood: perhaps it is that caring provision, perhaps it is patience, perhaps protection, it could be might and power, maybe they make things with their hands, or some other quality that reflects God.

Watching my husband learn how to parent has been an immense joy – one that I never really thought about before the birth of our child, so it took me by surprise and continues to delight me. One of the things I appreciate the most about him is that he is a generous provider. He gives a lot to and for our family in a big way and I am so grateful to the Lord for giving him a provider’s heart – it’s something he showed me even before we were married and reminds me a lot of my own father. It’s not even the finances that I appreciate and admire (although he is the breadwinner and we wouldn’t have an income without him), but rather, his attitude to providing. He gladly provides for our family, and for me, so that I can focus on other things, primarily caring for our child, but also for looking after the household admin and that kind of thing. This provider role is what I’d like to look at today.

The actions of a father who provides in this way call to mind the passage in the Gospel of Matthew:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:25-33)

God provides for us so that we can focus on glorifying Him and bringing forth His kingdom. Our hearts and minds should not be occupied by thoughts of necessity. Trust in the Lord and give your worries over to him. I know it is hard and sometimes scary to give up control, especially when it comes to our needs, but giving it up to God is the only way to let Him do His work in your life.

A while ago, I heard the story that actor Jonathan Roumie shared about his acting career prior to taking a role on The Chosen. He had spent eight years in Hollywood, working hard and giving everything his all, trying to get his acting career successfully going. But as much as he tried, nothing was happening. He was down to his last $20, no food in the fridge, no way to pay the rent the following week – it was dire. This was the point where he literally fell to his knees and gave it up to God – and it turned around. The following day, the actor claims that he spent the $20 probably on a good breakfast, and left it all up to God. He got home that day to four envelopes in the mail – each one contained a cheque for him. As he opened them, the amount on each cheque was bigger than the last. He added them up and found he had $1100. And as many of you might know, his success, both with The Chosen and in other projects, continues today.

Giving your life to God doesn’t necessarily mean that He’ll suddenly transport you to a new place in life and everything will magically fall into place. Sometimes it looks that way, but sometimes it requires cooperation and hard work on your part, just like how God required the Israelites to fight battles and move as God commanded them to move in order to get to the promised land. But, little by little, and slowly, He will change your heart.

Just as He taught first the world justice through the law that he gave to Moses, and then mercy through our Lord, he teaches us step-by-step, meeting us where we are and then leading us to something greater. Giving any aspect of your life to God puts Him in the position not of a slave driver cracking a whip, but of a loving father teaching their child a new skill. God will go at His child’s pace, pushing them just a little outside of their comfort zone when they are ready to progress, helping them to grow. And as His children, our role is to trust Him and do what He says.

When we trust in the Lord, when we hand Him the reins, amazing things can happen. God will work wonders through us, if we let Him. Perhaps this fathers day is a call, as cliché as it is, to let go and let God. He will look after our needs, let us be humble enough to let Him provide for us so that we can work for His kingdom in the way He has called each one of us to do.

How have you seen God acting in your life as your Heavenly Father? Has there been a time when you gave your life or a part of your life to God and truly seen His hand at work? I would love to hear those stories!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: Holding Space – a Christian act of parenting

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For those familiar with attachment parenting, you will more than likely already be acquainted with holding space. For those that are not, to put it simply, it is the act of being present and providing containment for whatever big feelings your children are feeling as they process them. By being with them, you can create a safe space where they are free to express and explore their feelings – sometimes you are that space.

The expression of emotions can, in itself be cathartic, and the exploration of feelings, often with a parent to be their guide, is what allows a child’s emotional maturity to develop. Both of these aspects are important for children, but they will not fully delve into this experience unless they feel safe to do so. Children feel safe to process their feelings when their feelings are not dismissed or trivialised, when they feel heard and understood, when they are allowed to express their feelings as comes naturally to them, and when they know that after all that, they will still be loved.

When I consider what it means to hold space as a parent, I cannot help but think of our Heavenly Father.

How many times is it written in the Bible, “the Lord was with him”? From Abraham, to Joseph, to David, to Enoch and Hezekiah, we hear that the Lord was with them or that the Lord walked with them. So many of the Psalms were written by David, and just look at all the sentiments he expressed!

This Davidic example is a beautiful blueprint of how a child of God can process their feelings about all of life, no matter what they feel.

Consider too, the book of Job. The Lord is there through Job’s suffering – God never abandons him. This eternal God, the God of love who never changes, is with us, too.

And of course, Jesus himself said it plainly, “…remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). We go through life not alone, but with Him who is the giver of life.

In Him, we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28), and if we are trusting in the Lord as much as we should be, we can be assured that we are safe to express and explore everything we experience, that Jesus understands our human condition, and that we will always be loved, no matter what. Let us cling to the Lord, who is our consolation, and cry out to Him. Our loving Father holds space for us.

Have you felt secure to approach God with your big feelings? How do you become more comfortable to do this? Let’s have a chat in the comments!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!

Reflections on Parenting: Praying as a Parent

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Real talk: I don’t have all of the answers. That’s above my paygrade (it would be even if anyone were paying me!). But I do have questions. Today, I’ve got questions for you about prayer. But first, a little backstory…

Personally, I do the bulk of my personal prayer just before bed. I’ve never been great at morning prayer, and adding Mom duties to the mix – hubby takes the first morning shift before he goes to work so I can sleep an hour or two – doesn’t give me a lot of time.

I pray with my baby, too. We do morning prayers (most days, I’m working on it), we say grace before meals (I’m so used to silent grace just before I eat, so again, this is something I’m working on), and bedtime prayers. I try to use that time as well, as a moment to connect with God.

In all, I spend probably about 40-60 minutes in prayer each day (I added probably an extra 30-40 minutes during Lent). I don’t spend all my prayer time asking for things and rattling off the classic prayers (although they do take a little space in my prayer time) and I am making time in my prayers to listen, letting God speak to me through the Bible. And I know that most of the time (when I don’t feel like I’m running on autopilot, at least), my heart is totally in my prayers. So, what my prayer consists of what I’m praying for, or how much or how fully I’m praying isn’t in question, at least not this time.

The thing is, I don’t believe I am offering our Lord the best of my time, because by the time my own bedtime rolls around, I’m exhausted and some days I find myself drifting off to sleep during prayer time – even when I’m sitting up! And I do want my time with God to be quality time. Trouble is, I don’t know what time of day those first fruits are.

I spend naptimes getting things done, making bookings and other arrangements, running home admin, various chores, that kind of thing. Most of these need to be done during office hours, so they can’t be moved. Admittedly, I take a little time during the day to blog (let’s call it digital journaling), and while it isn’t strictly prayer time, I consider it to be spiritually-motivated, as it does turn my thoughts to Godly things, I get to grow in my faith as I read and reflect on Church teachings, upper and lower case T traditions, the lives and writings of saints and the doctors of the church, and my own interior life. And I sincerely hope that publishing my own thoughts will also help to bring others to Him – other moms, and their children. Practically speaking, in terms of the technology I use, unfortunately it’s not feasible for me to switch this with my bedtime prayer time. Besides, some prayer – my daily examen immediately springs to mind as an example – must be done at the end of the day.

Then again, I think of St Paul’s words…

As parents we can offer up all of our day to God. Every diaper change, every middle of the night feed, every toy we pick up, every frustration, every mundane moment, as well as prayers of thanksgiving for every smile, the things they do that melt our hearts, and all the other good things that come with being a parent. In this way, we can be a living prayer, uniting our parental sacrifices with Christ and saving souls (perhaps our children’s souls!), offering our lives to God, literally praying without ceasing.

That said, I want to have time to just sit and be with God. I know it’s just a season and that God understands. I get that I have responsibilities that mean I no longer have the luxury of just skipping off to an adoration chapel whenever something is weighing on my heart (ah, youth, less responsibility, and living less than 10 minutes from a 24 hour adoration chapel…). But I still want to do better by Him. I would like to make quality time to pray.

So my question is, how can I make that quality time for God? How do you do it? How does it fit into your day? Looking for some real answers here, hoping you have some tips for me!

Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!