More often than I’d like, I find myself repeating in my evening prayers, “Sorry I missed morning prayer”. And then I think about why I missed morning prayer. And then, I start to justify it with “but we were in a rush to get to Mass, because sometimes, things that throw the baby’s schedule out just happen”. But justifying an apology negates the apology. It’s like saying “I’m Sorry I yelled at you, but you shouldn’t have left your wet towel on the bed” (Iused to internally yell at myself a lot for this). The person who left their wet towel on the bed (me, it was me) hasn’t received a genuine apology because the justification of the apology, on some level, communicates that they deserved it, at least in part.
I can’t and don’t want to negate my apology to God. He doesn’t deserve to be forgotten or relegated to lesser importance. Ever. So what am I really sorry for? I am sorry that I let Him down, that He wasn’t important enough for me to make myself find other ways to give him praise and offer Him my first fruits.
If I were perfect, as God is perfect, and as we are called to be perfect, I would have found a way to fit in my morning prayers – maybe I could have done them in the car on the way to church. Maybe I could have sung some hymns of praise while I fed or dressed the baby. There are plenty of options that I see in hindsight but that I was blind to as the morning went on, all because God wasn’t as high up on my priorities as He should be.
What I’m trying to say is, “I’m sorry I’m not perfect” isn’t always a snarky teenage response to a parent’s request that they change the way something is done. An apology for our own imperfection, even though we are not directly at fault for it, can be something that we hold in complete congruence with the acceptance of those imperfections. And it can be entirely sincere.
The real reason for our regret may be something else (in the scenario I described, it is my non-attempt at trying to find alternative ways to give God my morning and to show my baby that example), but we can also acknowledge our imperfection, which is really where those reasons stem from. I actually think it’s a very healthy thing to do and to show our children, especially in our spiritual lives. It is another reason to need God, another way to grow in humility.
Let’s bear in mind this quote from St John Fisher:
God alone is perfect, but if we follow His will and empty ourselves so that He might fill us up, we will become more like Him, and we will be perfect too, one day. This may also be an honourable and even aspirational model for our children.
Are your imperfections crosses for you to bear? What practical things help you to bear these crosses? I would love to get your tips in the comments!
Until next time, let’s pray for each other. And remember, we can do Mom things through Christ who strengthens us!
Mom Things Through Christ 